The Changing Face of Friendship

Friday, March 12, 2010

I found my first true friend in 10th grade. Well, she kind of found me. Her name is Lauren, and we are in it for the long haul. We’ve seen each other through thick and thin, and there is an unspoken understanding between us that neither one of us is going anywhere. I could call her at 3 am in a crisis, and she could do the same. We don’t live in a world where either of us really needs to invoke the 3 am call, but there’s a knowledge that if the call needed to be made, a voice would be on the other line. A voice that loves and accepts.

Lauren is different than the typical girl I have historically sought out for friendship. We are polar opposites in some respects, and alike in others. She is even keel and doesn’t typically go into things based on strong emotion. She loves the comfort of home- and has known since we were young that she wanted to raise her family in Oklahoma. She is a germ-phobe and luckily can afford a housekeeper. She is a teeny-tiny, size 2 and was very well-liked in school. She has two beautiful children, and is a fantastic mom. She doesn’t favor drama and conflict. And so, our friendship is low-maintenance and virtually drama-free. It’s one of the most lovely relationships in my life.

I find that I have an increasingly deep appreciation for the ease of friendships like the one I have with Lauren. The older I get, the less B.S. I am inclined to put up with. Life is short, after all. I used to believe that all friendships lasted forever. I am a golden retriever type- loyal to the core. And yet I have often found myself bending over backwards in certain friendships where the efforts weren’t reciprocated. A good part of that stems from the fact friends did not come easily for me as a young girl. And as I have said here before, I longed to fit in. I was desperate for it. It surprises me when i recognize that desperation rearing it’s head. I am thankful for the awareness I have now which allows me to take a step back and examine what’s really at the root of my “need.” No, I am not perfect. I often find myself with hurt feelings before I am aware enough to step back. But the learning curve is getting shorter all the time. And I am grateful for progress, not perfection.

I used to feel as though accumulating friendships, lots of them, somehow increased my worth. But the truth is, with all the world hands us, if we can manage to love a few people well in this life, I think we are doing a great job. And true friends are rare. I hope this makes sense to someone out there.