Happy New Year

Friday, January 1, 2010

I am not a big New Year’s resolution maker. I find that, for me, they have proven ineffective.

There was the year that I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes on New Year’s Eve in an effort to make myself so nauseous I would never smoke again. Didn’t work. I finally quit cold-turkey on a random Saturday in April of 2002. Years spent making a lot of fruitless promises to God on New Year’s Eve- all the ways I would miraculously change my own character flaws overnight- by my own strength of course. Not so much. I’ve cleaned out closets that eventually fell back into patterns of chaos. I’ve resolved to become better, more perfected in ways that I can’t even begin to number. And somewhere around Jan 21st, or oftentimes much earlier, I awake to the realization that I am still me. Reliably dependable, messed-up-in-the-most-beautiful-and-irritating-of-ways me.

And then there are the diets. You know what I’m talking about. Especially if you are a girl. But guys, I know you’re feeling me too, and I don’t wish to leave you out. What is it about the turning of the annual clock that possesses us to put ourselves through the ringer? I have not met enough people who say, this year, I am going to accept myself like I am. This year, I resolve to love myself.

You know what I love about the life I live now? I started my weight loss journey on a Tuesday in August. There was nothing special about the day or date. It was just time. And I was ready. And every day I either choose to stay on the journey or not. And then I decide again the next day, or hour, or bite. And even when I feel like I’m not on the right journey anymore, I still am. The journey is.

Since I turned over a new leaf on December 1st, I have lost 8 pounds and 10.25 inches. I feel great about that. The holidays were not without their fair share of speed bumps- like the week I gained 4 pounds. Oops. It happens. And I am brave enough to own the choices that led to the gain. I can safely say somewhere in that gain was a stellar sodium-laden meal at Irma’s the night before weigh-in, a cupcake (or two) and some days where I chose to eat my stress instead of taking a walk. I also wore jeans to weigh-in, which I never do, and most of us girls have a week every month where we retain water like a camel. It’s OK. The next week I answered back with a loss of 4.8 pounds.

As far as I’m concerned making it through the holidays while maintaining my weight would have been considered a win. But I feel great that more days were spent loving myself with health than punishing myself with unhealthy food behaviors. That’s progress, not perfection. And I’ll take it.

How are things going for you? Were you kind to you this Christmas? If not, why not? I hope you don’t resolve anything this year but to treat yourself with love and kindness. And if you must set a goal that starts this New Year off, take it in baby steps.. maybe set a goal for today, not for all of 2010. I didn’t set out to lose 100 pounds, I just wanted to get out and run. The worst kind of goals are the ones that set you up to fail before you even have a chance to get started. I find what works best for me is to break my big goals down into bite-size pieces. And don’t be afraid to write down your small goal for today- a goal without a deadline is just a wish.

I hope this year brings each of you health and happiness.

Peace.