It’s a Big Hook.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

For years certain people (Mom, you know who you are…) have been giving me grief about not posting journal entries more often on my website. I’d respond that I just didn’t have anything to say right then, which I know must seem surprising considering my loquacious nature. But as time went on, I realized that I did have things to say, I just didn’t always have the time or energy to compose my thoughts in a polished (read: perfect-ish) manner. Thus, when I decided to launch this blog, the naysayers looked askance at me, their non-verbal skepticism hollering “How are you ever going to keep up with a blog?”

In this way the blog is an extension of my inner-work. I move forward believing that I can let myself off the hook long enough to just write and share without always being under the microscope of my own harsh criticism. Being an artist who hopes to bring my authentic self to the stage with me every night has taught me much about risking the truth, risking the honest, raw, vulnerable places. Someone recently asked me why I do what I do as a performer, what makes me keep at it. “What else would I do?” always comes to mind. But my answer that day was this: I write and perform to connect with people. I do it to offer hope to some, to one, to speak of  the mystery of our unique commonality as humans in a broken world, and extend the reassurance that none of us travel alone on this journey. We live in a web of myths and isolation. Not one of us is without fear, regret, questioning, and pain. But most of us believe we are the only one, and the cycle spins on. Hiding is easier than letting the walls crash down. Or at least that’s what we tell ourselves.

Today when I opened my laptop to write a blog on the way from Madison, WI to Chicago, I froze up. I was tempted to hide in silence. I didn’t think I had anything of note to say. And then I realized that even in my fear of not being polished and perfect and acceptable I could reach out, stand up, use my voice and just put something out there. Anything really. I could have typed out a knock-knock joke or “Woohoo McDonald’s!” the content wasn’t really of much consequence. It’s the fear-conquering action that counts today. The fact that I blogged even though I felt like I had nothing perfect or otherwise to say. I hope you do one thing today that scares you. Feel free to leave a comment and tell me about it when you do. You’re worth it. For that matter, so am I.