Flocking Pre-Teens.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Tonight I am amazed by my own capacity for insecure girl b.s. Is there a certain birthday or year or moment when we as women stop comparing ourselves to each other? If so, I wish someone would let me know when I can expect that to come to fruition in my personal life. Just when I think I’ve made these great strides towards loving myself, I get caught off guard only to find my thoughts reeling and spinning as my critical self goes on an emotional dialogue rampage.

Why is it so easy for women to be our own worst enemies? I had a pretty rough social upbringing. Very cut-throat and often hateful. And I’m the first to admit that I still bear the scars from my time growing up- I’ve got rejection issues coming out my yin-yang. But who doesn’t, right? We all have our middle school war stories. But you’d think all these years of therapy would have cured me by now… (I really hope my therapist reads that last sentence, as it was written entirely for his enjoyment.)  And although I have done my fair share of growing up and getting over/through the pain of my past, it’s shocking how one night at a concert around a certain crowd of people can reduce me to age 13 faster than you can say “________________.” (Insert long hard-to-say word here that I can’t think of currently. ie: Supercalifragilisticexpealidocious, but not that one exactly.)

I am pretty sure that tonight I compared my body and fashion sense to that of a flock of pre-teens… And a smattering of high-schoolers…. and a sect of too-cool for school college kids… and top it off with a row of sloshed twenty-somethings. In two short hours I felt fat, old, ugly, frumpy, un-stylish, and without the right words. It was like I was transported to a year that starts with 198_.  I was at a loss for one kind thing to think or say to myself. How sad.

I don’t have any great insights to tie this post up in a tidy package with a bow. But I am hollering out of my own deficit to all you other girls out there. We really need to be nicer to ourselves. This comparison shit is getting out of hand.