A blog subscriber (I can’t believe I actually have those?!) requested a blog based on one of my “craftier” adventures. Evidently she was tired of watching me screw up recipes! Ha. This video is of some hand-written invites I made recently. Enjoy!
p.s.s. I really need your help to make my new album. Have you pre-ordered your copy yet? I promise the CD will not suck. If you’re willing to join me, visit this link: http://www.kcclifford.com/generous-friends Thanks in advance!
So, if you’ve ever wondered what I look like when I wake up before 8 am brush my teeth but not my hair, and suddenly decide to make homemade dinner rolls for the first time from scratch and then decide to film it and release it for the world to see, today is your lucky day. Enjoy!
Lately I’ve felt compelled to indulge in some cyber hibernation. That is to say, I woke up in May to an intense feeling of internet over-exposure, like my life was no longer my own. In response I chose, rather subconsciously, to mostly refrain from twittering, blogging and Facebook updates…. and some days from my email inbox. We were gone almost all of May, and keeping up with the online world while touring can be an added dose of exhaustion in an already exhausting enterprise. David is not this way. He takes every chance he can get to be online, it’s restful to him.
It’s an interesting thing, these here internets. As an artist, a whole new world is opened up, an avenue for connecting with fans like never before. And I like the leveling of the playing field. After all, I’m just a girl like every girl. But sometimes there can be such a thing as too much access. After all, I’m just a girl, like every girl. The music industry is anti-hibernation. There is an underlying belief that if you take your name/face/music out of the game even for just a moment, that people will move on to the next shiny thing they see and forget about you. And I could center my whole life on that nonsense- defined by the approval of others. Or, I could step back when I feel compelled to in the interest of self-care, trusting that even if this fickle old world goes on without me, I will survive.
So I guess I’m writing today to once again say, “Hello.” And I’m sure we will return to our regularly scheduled programming shortly. But until then, I’ll see you when I poke my head out. Which might be sooner than you think.
I considered just publishing that as a starting place. It’s been a while. Maybe you noticed. Maybe you could care less. Maybe you’ve chastised me like my mother did yesterday. Maybe you’re patient and full of grace. Maybe you gave up on ever hearing from me again, removing me from your Google reader. Maybe you’re just shaking your head like my publicist, PapaRobC.
Truth? Whatever you’re doing or not doing is okay by me. Go, be, do, frown, read, wait, don’t, shake, smile. Whatever. Just be free. That’s what I’m trying to do over here in cyber-silence.
My last “real” post was a survey if you will. A question. A quandary, a dilemma. A seekers plea. I was polling the audience, using a lifeline. I asked you what you do for nurture.
Truth? I’m still processing your answers. And it was rude of me to not thank each of you for taking such time, consideration and kindness in your responses. But I can do that now. Thank you. Yes, you too.
My therapist suggested I asked the wrong question. He invited me to ask you “What is nurture?” Answer if you will as I am curious to know.
I can feel the plates of my inner-earth shifting these past few months. I’m not in a place of digging in, but of waiting for the coming changes. I know they are coming. I don’t know what all the changes are. But I know some of them are beautiful. And beauty or not, I shall learn from them all. Some days you wake up on a fault line. I am learning to accept this as life’s truth, and take life on life’s terms.
I am typing in code. Short and long dashes. Heaps of hope and heart. Maybe you speak my language.
I have been reading a couple of books I anticipate sharing more about in future posts: Women, Food & God by Geneen Roth and Spilling Open: The Art of Becoming Yourself by Sabrina Ward Harrison. They both have me broken open in new ways I am not ready to write about….yet.
But I’d like to leave you with a quote from Spilling Open, to whet your appetite:
“So much of my growing up has been spent trying to figure out who I am and accept who I am and perhaps even love who I am. Unfortunately I have noticed that I spend a lot of time comparing myself to other young women my age, watching for traits they possess that I feel I lack. It’s very EXHAUSTING.
But I seem to keep comparing and desiring (”needing”) more and wanting less. When do i stop and be Sabrina the way I am? When do I stop and believe that I AM ENOUGH as I am? With all the parts of me that feel ‘too small’ or ‘too lumpy’ or ‘too quiet’ or ‘not edgy’ or ‘too deep feeling’ TOO TOO TOO TOO.
I must ask myself ‘What am I trying to be that I already AM?’
If I don’t love those parts of me (the tucked in, sucked in silent parts…) I think it will be a very SAD journey… and a pathetic waste of time.
I am actually interested in feedback here. Healthy nurture is hard for me. I am good at offering it to others, but come up short when it comes to finding the grace to give it to myself. This is not a new blog topic for me, by any means. But this time I am truly wanting to hear from you.
How do you fit caring for yourself into your time-starved life?
My whole life changed when we went out on the road full-time. In most ways, touring was a dream come true. The exception for me, the point at which touring is not a dream, is in the struggle to take care of myself while on the road. I have been using touring as an excuse for putting myself really far down on the list for almost two years now. And the truth is, touring is my new normal, and I desperately want to learn how to be kind to myself in the confines of this new lifestyle.
So, I am using a lifeline, polling the audience- you- for answers. I don’t have everything figured out, not even close actually. I am willing to admit that the struggle to choose healthy nurture over false nurture currently feels insurmountable. But I know it’s possible. It has to be.
What nurtures you? It could be a walk, a nap, a journal, a cup of tea, a prayer. I really am inviting your comments. When you have to make a choice in the midst of the craziness of your circumstances, how do you choose what’s good for you in the long-term vs. what’s feels, tastes, & looks like comfort in the now? I look forward to hearing your thoughts. Thanks friends.